Camp David
To improve his flagging approval rating the President invites his underachieving older brother to spend Thanksgiving with the First Family.
Other Projects (1)
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The Big Kill
A group of estranged college friends come together for a funeral. They must stay in a remote French farmhouse; the scene of a massacre 10 years earlier.
PRESIDENT BRAUN has it all; looks, charisma and the Presidency. His brother HARRY on the other hand hasn’t enjoyed such success.
Harry has been in therapy for the last six years with DR. WEBBER. He has successfully progressed from simply hating his successful younger brother to wanting him dead.
When a poll shows that President Braun’s numbers are slipping because of a perceived lack of family values there is only one solution – to invite Harry for Thanksgiving.
Harry loves the idea. After all, it gives him the perfect opportunity to finally kill his brother. When Dr. Webber tries to warn the President, it is decided that the solution is for Dr. Webber to accompany Harry to monitor him.
Harry has been estranged from the family for years and is initially awkward and out of place. Dr. Webber does his best to help Harry fit in and find peace with his brother, whilst thwarting his numerous ill-conceived murder attempts.
However, as the week progresses, Harry forges unexpected friendships with his teenage nephew, the First Lady and the President’s Secret Service agents. Pretty soon, Harry is the most popular person at Camp David, much to the chagrin of the President. The First Lady sides with Harry and is furious with her husband for not showing more compassion for his brother.
President Braun finally snaps when Harry’s suggestion about the pending Healthcare Bill is admired by some visiting cabinet members. The President confides in Dr. Webber that he was always jealous of his brother as a child. In fact, this was what drove him to the success he has achieved, but now all the old feelings are coming back and he wants Harry dead.
Things come to a head over Thanksgiving dinner when years of frustrations pour out of everyone at the table. Dr. Webber is left to take control. He now has a marriage to save, a healthcare Bill to get back on track and two murderous brothers to thwart, one of whom does not have full time secret service protection.
Is Dr. Webber up to the job or is this the end of the First Family?
Harry has been in therapy for the last six years with DR. WEBBER. He has successfully progressed from simply hating his successful younger brother to wanting him dead.
When a poll shows that President Braun’s numbers are slipping because of a perceived lack of family values there is only one solution – to invite Harry for Thanksgiving.
Harry loves the idea. After all, it gives him the perfect opportunity to finally kill his brother. When Dr. Webber tries to warn the President, it is decided that the solution is for Dr. Webber to accompany Harry to monitor him.
Harry has been estranged from the family for years and is initially awkward and out of place. Dr. Webber does his best to help Harry fit in and find peace with his brother, whilst thwarting his numerous ill-conceived murder attempts.
However, as the week progresses, Harry forges unexpected friendships with his teenage nephew, the First Lady and the President’s Secret Service agents. Pretty soon, Harry is the most popular person at Camp David, much to the chagrin of the President. The First Lady sides with Harry and is furious with her husband for not showing more compassion for his brother.
President Braun finally snaps when Harry’s suggestion about the pending Healthcare Bill is admired by some visiting cabinet members. The President confides in Dr. Webber that he was always jealous of his brother as a child. In fact, this was what drove him to the success he has achieved, but now all the old feelings are coming back and he wants Harry dead.
Things come to a head over Thanksgiving dinner when years of frustrations pour out of everyone at the table. Dr. Webber is left to take control. He now has a marriage to save, a healthcare Bill to get back on track and two murderous brothers to thwart, one of whom does not have full time secret service protection.
Is Dr. Webber up to the job or is this the end of the First Family?
Comments (9)
Rubén Collado Hywel,
March 27, 2010I agree with Josh, I want to read more, and I believe that's a pretty good review by itself...
I would've liked to know more about Harry and Dr. Webber, not really interested in "The president" character, at least for the sample. Maybe to avoid all the questions about why the secret service allows Harry to get close to the president, Harry's killing desire against his brother could be a secret between Harry and Dr. Webber (I guess it works that way, patient doctor confidentiality?).
I'd like the story to be more on Harry's and Dr. Webber' side, maybe the president could be the character that everybody talks about but you don't see him until last scenes of the movie, and you know him through his family, secret service agents and other white house stuff... to keep the comedic tension growing during the movie.
Nice writing and interesting characters.
Ruben
Rubén Collado ps-Sorry for the late review.
March 27, 2010Josh Davidson Hywel,
March 26, 2010I wonder why you only gave us 3.25 pages of script when you had 5 to work with. I would have liked to have read more of this script to make a better determination.
I have to disagree with the others who have rated this. I was skeptical when I read the synopsis and I'm even more skeptical after reading the script. You have a very good writing style and your dialogue and actions were very concise and clear. However, the 2 very short scenes that you showed us didn't help me to think at all that it could work.
First of all, a brother who is in serious therapy who has a desire to kill the President of the United States? Sorry, but he would be locked up. Because, as the brother of the President, he's much different from many other people who may want him dead, he actually has the access. And even if he weren't locked up, the doctor would most definitely have informed the President and the Secret Service of this desire, and would never have let him go away with the person he hates and wants to kill. Then the bit about the President wanting the big brother dead? That was really reaching for me.
I agree that the name probably isn't right for this comedy either.
Good writing, decent setup, but I'm just not convinced it will be something worth seeing... wish I would have had that extra 1.75 pages to read more.
Hywel Berry Thanks for your thoughts Josh. I only included those pages as I worried that anything else would have felt unfinished or out of context.
March 26, 2010It's interesting that so many people were skeptical about the conceit. I didn't see it as troublesome at all. That's why it's so useful to hear back from people like yourself.
I think your problems with the setup are spot on. I'll certainly put a lot more thought into how to make it work. It would therefore be very useful if you had a moment to check out my other entry and let me know what you think.
Thanks again Josh.
Hywel.
M.A. Moreno You might be committing yourself to something that will be extremely difficult to write accurately. It might work in a What About Bob fashion, but you'd have to do your research. Also, I could only hope that some David Eisenhower jokes make it into the script at some point.
March 26, 2010M.A. Moreno And I did not even notice that Paul Kleinman made the What About Bob connection too. That's definitely the vibe coming from the script.
March 26, 2010Hywel Berry Hi, I mentioned the 'What About Bob' thought to Paul and you're right, it would certainly require a lot of research. Thank you very much for your time and comments though.
March 26, 2010Paul Kleinman I was also skeptical reading the synopsis. I have to say though, I think you have a knack for dialogue. It seemed to flow really well. Something about the story still irks me a bit. It reminds me of What About Bob but with the President of the United States and I'm not sure if it works. Maybe if it wasnt a brother? I just think hiding a brother is not very believable (even if it's a whacky comedy) when you are the President
March 26, 2010Hywel Berry Hi Paul, I see what you're saying about 'What About Bob?' but it felt like a very different tone in my mind, which hopefully came out in the pages. I certainly never wanted the tense, 'no-one else sees what I see' tone of that film. If it does go anywhere I’ll make sure to differentiate it a lot more.
March 26, 2010Patricia Mason Fun premise. I enjoyed your pages. This premise has a lot of comic potential. Harry could be hilarious. However, I would like to see a more catchy title. Perhaps something like: Harry goes to Camp David. Also, your synopsis seems to make the psychiatrist the hero. I would like to see Harry as the main protagonist and therefore the character who is the most active in controlling whether or not his main outer goal is achieved. Best of luck for your success.
March 26, 2010Hywel Berry You're right about the synopsis. I could have kicked myself when I read it back after entering. It was certainly meant to have joint protagonists in the same vein as something like 'The Whole Nine Yards' but Harry is certainly the key role and I don't think it reads like that. Ho hum, we live and learn.
March 26, 2010Nate Gross I have to say, I was also pretty skeptical of this as I read the premise. I usually feel like any time that the President is a character in a movie, it becomes almost cheesy or too unrealistic. But your pages really changed my mind. I think that your writing has a very great tone that it could make for a very funny film. Obviously this script is not meant to be 100% realistic to life and I like that element about it. I could definitely see where you were going and I would really be interested to see how the story played out. Good luck!
March 26, 2010If you get a chance, please also check out my entry
http://www.massify.com/partnerships/lionsgate/makingcomedy/concept/entry/rehab
Hywel Berry I'm glad you enjoyed it Nate. I know what you mean about having The President in a movie. It's a fine line to walk but hopefully I am on the right side of it.
March 26, 2010Robbie Block So I was very ready to be skeptical of this concept but I actually really enjoyed it. It could be a little pricey for the competition, but best of luck to you.
March 25, 2010Hywel Berry Yeah, budget may be an issue. It's only a couple of locations but we'll see.
March 26, 2010Dave Dunn Great Job! As you know, I have no credentials for the technical aspect but it seems flawless. I love Harry's character and I only got to see three pages of him. There is not a doubt in my mind that this movie will be made and I would pay to see it.
March 25, 2010Best of Luck!
Dave
Hywel Berry Thanks Dave. Glad you enjoyed it.
March 26, 2010Lee Karaim Halfway through the first page of the script sample, it become obvious to me that this was much more sophisticated than the other scripts I have read on this site. I mean that as a compliment. The scene was very well written and you clearly have talent. The humor was very subtle, and the characters well thought out. I can see this being made by a major studio with major stars. Good luck with it.
March 18, 2010Hywel Berry Thanks Lee. You know I was a big fan of your work so that means a lot.
March 26, 2010