Free to Play
A young musical duo realizes that if they can't be the best, they might as well have some fun by becoming the worst.
Other Projects (1)
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You're Funny, That's cute
Girls often say they look for a man with a sense of humor. They lie. They like musicians.
In the music industry, everyone knows who holds the record for the highest grossing rock tour of all time, The Rolling Stones. For Chip (22) and Brooks (23) the ultimate goal for their band, Clown Baby, is to overcome that plateau and enter rock stardom. However, after a few shows, and some choice reviews, that goal begins to seem a little lofty. With the help of a few drinks and a late night, Brooks decides instead of attempting the impossible, to do the very plausible: The duo will travel across the United States on a 100 day tour, all in an attempt to make zero dollars and become the band with the least grossing tour of all time.
Chip and Brooks say goodbye to their loved ones. Chip leaves behind his girlfriend Alexis, while Brooks will have to try and live without his mother for over three months. The trip begins as well as any summer tour could with high energy, laughter, and hot showers. They have brand new hip and artistic merchandise (not for sale) and the hope of gaining new fans and friends. However as the days drag on, and the funds grow lower, they discover becoming the least grossing band of all time might be more difficult than expected.
Chip begins to miss his girlfriend, while Brooks becomes jealous of all the time Chip spends on the phone with her. The music becomes repetitive, the venues become dirtier and dirtier, as do Chip and Brook's clothes. They discover that even what they thought was the easiest part of the trip, making no money, becomes difficult when kind souls continually try to ruin their dream by offering them charity.
The two will need to find a way to remain best friends, without killing each other on the road, and killing their newly formed dream of producing the least grossing tour of all time.
Chip and Brooks say goodbye to their loved ones. Chip leaves behind his girlfriend Alexis, while Brooks will have to try and live without his mother for over three months. The trip begins as well as any summer tour could with high energy, laughter, and hot showers. They have brand new hip and artistic merchandise (not for sale) and the hope of gaining new fans and friends. However as the days drag on, and the funds grow lower, they discover becoming the least grossing band of all time might be more difficult than expected.
Chip begins to miss his girlfriend, while Brooks becomes jealous of all the time Chip spends on the phone with her. The music becomes repetitive, the venues become dirtier and dirtier, as do Chip and Brook's clothes. They discover that even what they thought was the easiest part of the trip, making no money, becomes difficult when kind souls continually try to ruin their dream by offering them charity.
The two will need to find a way to remain best friends, without killing each other on the road, and killing their newly formed dream of producing the least grossing tour of all time.
Comments (22)
Jason Meyers I think you have a high concept a band that WANTS to be a failure so to speak, you just need to up the stakes and conflict in the actual story. I think you have a great indie comedy right now. The line is a little blurry between indie and studio right now, but in general, fo it to work as a studio pic, you probably need to up the stakes for your anatagonist and make it be a little more urgent. Even if they start off tryinbg to not make money just from a casual conversation by the midpoint (but preferably sooner) you need a really important reason why they have to do this and it will be a big problem if they fail. Time contraints are always good too like in The Hangover. If you do that, your characters in the situation will naturally have more conflict.
March 17, 2010Your concept is good-I'd even make sure you get that into the logline-state that they go on tour to be the first band to make absolutely zero gross-that sounds punchier and it's a great idea.
Chris Todd Thanks, that review is very helpful.
March 20, 2010Carrie Crain Strong logline. I knew instantly what the movie was going to be about. The underdogs becoming winners. Good premise.
March 12, 2010It would have been nice to read the scene where they are playing badly & a girl told them they ‘sucked.’ (word choice you original wrote). Your character may be coming up with the idea of playing awful on purpose too soon.
I loved Chips’ line about “if we break-up, it’ll probably be your fault.” I LOL.
Show the budget could be nice in lieu of talking about the budget.
Watch spelling errors. For example: ‘Im’ is I’m. Those are minor details but important.
Brooks should have objected to paying the kid $25 to load up the van since they are on a tight budget. At least put up an argument before giving in.
William Stephens Doesn't seem very "high-concept", and I'm going to have to agree with the previous comment about this not seeming like it could work as a feature-length movie. Seems kind of simple, and like it's an idea that would really have to be stretched-out a bit.
March 12, 2010Chris Todd considering all the 1 stars you've given out, i'll take this as a compliment. :)
March 12, 2010Please clarify why you believe this is not high concept, so that i can continue to improve my writing skills. Thanks.
Michelle Cutler I saw this movie - it's called Sid and Nancy. Or wait, maybe it was Tape Heads. I do like the premise of people who are trying to lose keep being foiled by kind-hearted charitable strangers. Not sure where the comedy comes in though. Your action description focuses on the "not what happens" which is a waste of space. What happens? If his kiss doesn't quite land on a smiling face then where does it land? Very existential!
March 12, 2010Chris Todd I definitely need to work on my pitch skills if this sounded like a movie about punk rock, drug use, and Sid Vicious. (or even music video producers who make it big).
March 12, 2010I will take note of trying to improve my action descriptions. Indirectly saying what I want to say comes from my normal writing style, but maybe doesn't work for scripts and I need to learn to get away from it.
Thanks for the review
Bill Graf I like to concept. The road trip motivation is neither rigid nor undefined.This leaves a lot of room to have fun with the adventures along the way (enough for a full length film). I think this is a very good start for wherever you want to take the characters.
March 10, 2010I won't critique the screenplay style, cause I'm new here myself, but it is funny.
Crash Kelly I read it cold. As a musician and radio personality I was immediately connected to the characters. The comedic timing was NOT over the top and I honestly laughed at the payoffs. The struggles are relatable, I'm sensing adventure, and I'm anxious to see if this will be a happy ending.
March 10, 2010Don Saparina Very well written, but I definitely have to agree with the comment about this being hard to see as a feature length movie. Is it going to be them going to venue after venue, and that's about it? That's about all I got from what I read. I could be wrong, and I hope you could fill me in with more. But at this point, I don't really know where it's going exactly.
March 10, 2010Chris Todd Thanks for the kind of compliment :)
March 10, 2010As for your main point, Ive been getting a lot of similar comments and have been reworking things in my head with the help of friends and am thinking of adding an element such as:
Alexis forms a plan to get the band publicity & money. She recruits Chip to be in on it, but leaves Brooks in the dark. She has set up a meeting with a movie producer in LA, with the goal of making a movie about the band's tour.
So basically its in the vain of Borat or Road Trip where the characters have an ultimate place they are trying to get to, and a goal to achieve. Even if Brooks isn't in on it. Once Brooks finds out, they will have to decide what is best for them, take a movie deal or stay true to the tour's ideal of receiving no money on the trip.
Chris Todd vein*
March 10, 2010Faith Erline Strengths: quirky humor (so hot right now), indie hipster protagonists who are aware of their own semi-pathetic statuses (ditto), and a high-concept premise (this has plenty of precedent, like "you'll inherit billions! if you can spend $50 million in a month." and so on).
March 9, 2010Weaknesses: 1. The most important. You tend to tell instead of show. Why do we open the movie in medias res? We should get the set up for the action at the same time as the characters. This allows the audience to spend some time with them and get to know how they react to things. It also heightens tension: we, as the audience know that they're going to be touring for the lowest-grossing returns of all time (we read the reviews) but they don't. How is this wacky situation going to begin? we wonder. Think about the opening to Knocked Up (or any Apatow-helmed flick): we see the characters in their separate lives. This establishes character (one is a savvy career woman, one's a stoner/slacker) and allows their eventual meeting, and the titular knocking up, to be much funnier. The action of the first scene should be immediate. It should leave the audience with questions, so they want to know more. "Two dudes packing a van while they explain the plot of the film" doesn't do this. Why not set it in the bar the night before as they one-up each other into committing, or something similar? Why don't we see them convincing the kid to sell them the scooter? These are missed opportunities for humor.Show, don't tell. Let the characters' actions build the story, don't try to race to "the good parts."
2. Characters. If you can describe the characters as "so similar we might confuse them," there's a problem. The best movies about two protagonists have opposition between them. This is why buddy-cop movies where one's a streetwise maverick and one's a by-the-book veteran get made so often. In a comedy, there's usually a straight man and a wacky guy. Again, think Superbad. Much of the humor comes from the differences between Seth and Evan's personalities. Difference between characters means opposition, which means conflict, which means plot. Also, jokes. And I'm not saying your two protagonists can't be friends, they just have to have differing aspects. Otherwise it just seems like you're talking to yourself.
3, and this is a bit personal, but the "beleaguered girlfriend" character is played out. Women will see your movie as well as guys, why not have a female character playing a larger role? What if she's their manager, and this is her idea of a publicity stunt? What if she talks them into letting her go for some reason? If that's not your bag, why not remove her altogether? She doesn't seem to have much purpose in the story as is. Maybe she's just a voice on the phone, or maybe we only hear Chip's sides of the conversation when he's talking to her. It could be a prime set up for some more original jokes, not just "my gf's jealous because we have groupies," or "she walks in at an awkward time and someone says 'um, this isn't what it looks like.'"
Remember the main thing that actors want to know about their characters: what does he/she want? Ask yourself this on a scene by scene basis as well as globally, and try to write with it in mind. When a character's desire is thwarted, we get conflict, and from conflict comes comedy. Also remember that a quality comedy doesn't neglect coherent plot structure or character growth.
Chris Todd Perfect review, appreciate the tips. I will consider everything you've said while I continue to write.
March 9, 2010Just my first thought: This is not the opening of the movie, just a sample scene, towards the beginning of the film.
Faith Erline Oh, gotcha! I didn't realize that. Even still, if we're going to see the setup, we don't need the characters to rehash what already happened. Sci-fi writers call it "as you know, Bob..." and try to avoid it.
March 9, 2010Chris Todd oh, and I meant their physical appearance is similar...i guess I need to write with a little more clarity.
March 10, 2010Comment buried. Click to view
Ervin Anderson I love the concept here. The script pages are decent. Could be a fun film, if handled properly.
March 9, 2010