Friender Bender
Nebbish Clayton Dilkes is in a romantic race against time when he bets he can bed his unrequited love inside an hour in the wildest friender bender of all time.
After being stood up by his date – a longtime college crush – at his best friend’s wedding, nebbish 28-year-old IT manager Clayton Dilkes is teased endlessly for not scoring at the reception, as he carpools back home with ex-roommates Stu and Barklie. As Clay complains about Marnie’s no-show, Barklie makes him an outrageous bet – they’ll drop Clay off at Marnie’s house and he'll have exactly 60 minutes from the moment he leaves the car to say hello, catch up and then hook up in the greatest “Friender Bender” of all time. If he wins, Clay can call Barklie by a crude nickname forever; if Barklie wins, he continues to call Clay by his old nickname, “Scrote”, and Clay will clean Barklie’s house every weekend, dressed as a French Maid, for a year.
Clay arrives at Marnie’s door to find the odds stacked against him; he's greeted by her live-in boyfriend, Eliot. Marnie takes Clay away from her home (and her bed) to run errands and he sees his chances of success start to dwindle. The two make stops around town and a cast of characters (dry cleaners, pharmacy techs and church staff) appears along the way to help Clay in his quest, but succeed only in making things more difficult.
Meanwhile, Barklie and Stu kill time at a local dog track, where they make some bets of their own. Barklie’s pegged as a high roller by a pair of mysterious young ladies, who invite the guys up to their luxury box.
While picking up Eliot’s church raffle winnings at the local Methodist chapel, Clay has a meltdown and reveals his feelings to Marnie in a passionate and unhinged rant. Marnie, taken by surprise, has a revelation of her own – she has secretly harbored feelings for Clay for years. They consummate these feelings in the basement, surrounded by church icons.
As Barklie realizes that he holds a winning ticket – a longshot, high payout bet – he, Stu, and the girls celebrate. In the chaos, the girls abscond with the ticket, and the actual owners of the box interrupt Barklie and Stu’s celebratory hug and immediately call security. Stu and Barklie bolt from the scene, hot on the trail of the ticket thieves.
On the other side of town, Clay presses Marnie on the ride back home for a commitment. As the prospects of giving up her current life to be with Clay dawn on her, Marnie tells him that she won’t throw everything with Eliot away, and she chastises Clay for his naïve notions. Frustrated, Clay reveals to Marnie the details of the bet as they are stopped to fill up at a gas station. Marnie leaves Clay in disgust.
After spotting the girls cashing in their ill-gotten ticket, Barklie and Stu give chase. The girls lead them on a circuitous route through the stadium that eventually leads them to the track, where Stu is trampled by the dogs, and Barklie is tackled by security.
Clay hitches a ride back to Marnie’s place and sheepishly knocks on the front door. There is no response. Upon hearing noise from the backyard, Clay walks around to find Eliot hard at work chopping wood. Eliot offers the axe to Clay, who swings it wildly and inaccurately. Eliot reveals that he has planned to ask Marnie to marry him, and shows the ring to Clay, asking him his opinion on Marnie’s reaction. Clay gives him the thumbs up and splits a piece of wood perfectly. Unbeknownst to them, Marnie watches from the window and sees the ring.
Clay finds Marnie crying in the bathroom, unsure of what to do. In a tender moment, he comes to an understanding that his love for her would be unaffected by her marriage to Eliot, as long as she was happy, and that the memories they had together would not be so easily erased. Stu and Barklie arrive battered and anxious to leave town. All say their goodbyes and the three roommates hit the road.
When asked by Barklie if he was successful, Clay says that he was not, and the car disappears down the highway.
Clay arrives at Marnie’s door to find the odds stacked against him; he's greeted by her live-in boyfriend, Eliot. Marnie takes Clay away from her home (and her bed) to run errands and he sees his chances of success start to dwindle. The two make stops around town and a cast of characters (dry cleaners, pharmacy techs and church staff) appears along the way to help Clay in his quest, but succeed only in making things more difficult.
Meanwhile, Barklie and Stu kill time at a local dog track, where they make some bets of their own. Barklie’s pegged as a high roller by a pair of mysterious young ladies, who invite the guys up to their luxury box.
While picking up Eliot’s church raffle winnings at the local Methodist chapel, Clay has a meltdown and reveals his feelings to Marnie in a passionate and unhinged rant. Marnie, taken by surprise, has a revelation of her own – she has secretly harbored feelings for Clay for years. They consummate these feelings in the basement, surrounded by church icons.
As Barklie realizes that he holds a winning ticket – a longshot, high payout bet – he, Stu, and the girls celebrate. In the chaos, the girls abscond with the ticket, and the actual owners of the box interrupt Barklie and Stu’s celebratory hug and immediately call security. Stu and Barklie bolt from the scene, hot on the trail of the ticket thieves.
On the other side of town, Clay presses Marnie on the ride back home for a commitment. As the prospects of giving up her current life to be with Clay dawn on her, Marnie tells him that she won’t throw everything with Eliot away, and she chastises Clay for his naïve notions. Frustrated, Clay reveals to Marnie the details of the bet as they are stopped to fill up at a gas station. Marnie leaves Clay in disgust.
After spotting the girls cashing in their ill-gotten ticket, Barklie and Stu give chase. The girls lead them on a circuitous route through the stadium that eventually leads them to the track, where Stu is trampled by the dogs, and Barklie is tackled by security.
Clay hitches a ride back to Marnie’s place and sheepishly knocks on the front door. There is no response. Upon hearing noise from the backyard, Clay walks around to find Eliot hard at work chopping wood. Eliot offers the axe to Clay, who swings it wildly and inaccurately. Eliot reveals that he has planned to ask Marnie to marry him, and shows the ring to Clay, asking him his opinion on Marnie’s reaction. Clay gives him the thumbs up and splits a piece of wood perfectly. Unbeknownst to them, Marnie watches from the window and sees the ring.
Clay finds Marnie crying in the bathroom, unsure of what to do. In a tender moment, he comes to an understanding that his love for her would be unaffected by her marriage to Eliot, as long as she was happy, and that the memories they had together would not be so easily erased. Stu and Barklie arrive battered and anxious to leave town. All say their goodbyes and the three roommates hit the road.
When asked by Barklie if he was successful, Clay says that he was not, and the car disappears down the highway.
Comments (28)
Jesse Costello Hi guys. I did enjoy the sample pages here, but I think the idea that Clay would accept a bet to consummate the relationship with his long-time crush seems unlikely and far-fetched. I think it would work just as well if he had an hour (or a day) to just *confess* his love for Marnie. That's no easy task, either, and even if she responds in kind to his confession, she ends up being a much more sympathetic character in the end than if we see her actually cheat on her boyfriend. Also, why would this crush of his stand him up, then agree to go run errands with him? I think the premise here is solid enough but you don't need to concoct an overly elaborate situation to get your protagonist in a situation where he can spend time with this girl -- maybe it's his last day in town, or he just broke up with a girlfriend. There's enough dramatic potential in this story that it will work even if it's not a contest or limited to an hour.
March 22, 2010Lastly, is there a tie-in between the A story and the B story? Seems like a pretty random, wacky tangent otherwise. I'd think about how you can connect the stories in a more organic fashion.
Hope that's helpful.
Comment buried. Click to view
Bradford Richardson Your core story is so much better than THE HANGOVER, which is what it seems you're going for.
March 19, 2010A sweet guy hoping to spark romance with his long lost college crush at a wedding, is stood-up, and embarrassed, but instead of going home a loser, he makes the uncharacteristically bold decision to find out why and winds-up having the night of his life and learns that real love isn't what you get but what you give.
SHORT LOGLINE: A sweet guy, stood-up by his long lost college crush at a wedding, winds-up having the night of his life and learns that real love isn't what you get but what you give.
Right now your set-up is WAY TOO COMPLICATED. Please dump the bet, and the two friends, and the 60 minute countdown. You just don't need it. Take a close look at the story structure of Richard Linklater's, BEFORE SUNSET.
Have Clayton and Marnie share the dog-racing lost ticket story. They get chased, beat-up, and make love, and along the way Clayton really gets to know how wonderful she is, but also that he likes her so much he'd sacrifice his chance at love with her for her happiness.
Bradford Richardson
Feel free to check out my Incubator entry: http://massify.com/partnerships/lionsgate/makingcomedy/concept/entry/semidangerousmen
Jared Kasanofsky I really enjoyed the story, I could really see this happening to someone, and could believe it happened to someone.
March 19, 2010Joe Leone I like the overall concept of this story - I'm sure there are a lot of fun, 'wacky' humorous moments - my major problem with this set up is the set up itself - the inciting incident seems a little weak to me; i understand that the bet is not what really is at stake for Clay, it's his feelings for Marnie, but that is not initially clear - at least not from the synopsis. I personally feel that the catalyst in a film should carry a lot of weight in order to get the audience to care about the protag/situation. A quick fix for this would be to just raise the stakes of the bet - REALLY raise them (c'mon, getting called a nickname doesn't seem like that harsh a penalty for losing)
March 17, 2010Lori Hammel Matt - you're brilliant and a wonderful story teller!
March 15, 2010Christopher Hewitson This isn't bad! I'm REALLY happy your synopsis tells us everything. So many people aren't doing that and it bugs the heck out of me.
March 10, 2010For the most part, I liked the story, but I think Clay ends up far too accepting of what happens at the end. Saying "the love of my life getting married won't affect my love for her!" is a romantic thought, but a tad too much. I'm in a similar situation...feelings for a girl who's head over heels for some other guy. And while I somewhat share Clay's sentiments at the end of the film, it still hurts...a lot. I think there should be a little bit more pain with Clay’s acceptance, rather than him just being completely over it all of a sudden.
The sample pages are okay. Chuckled a few times. Read pretty easy, though. That’s a plus. It seemed like a real exchange between two people.
Overall, if I saw a trailer for this flick at the movies, I’d definitely check it out.
Oh, and I hate to do this…but would you mind giving this submission a look? It could use some more input.
http://www.massify.com/partnerships/lionsgate/makingcomedy/concept/entry/pseudosecurity
Harrison Schreppel I liked the scene sample, but the synopsis didn't really do it for me, I think your concept could use some more work.
March 10, 2010Dioeval Martinez Jr I like the concept very much. I really like Saj and his mannerisms. I do have something to say about the whole BET. He's being pushed into the BET by a really bad nickname. It's has to be pretty awful to just attempt to go at it anyway. It kind of has the feel of " I LOVE YOU BETH COOPER" with "THE HEARTBREAK KID". I do like the ending where love doesn't conquer all like in "Funny People" All I can say is change the BET. Other than that, I like it to see it.
March 10, 2010Joseph Barrera Cool scene sample, very catchy. Waiting for more!
March 10, 2010