Geek for a Week
When prank wars divide the H.S., the principal mandates role-playing, forcing Lance to star in a talent show and teach geeks basketball or lose sports forever.
Other Projects (2)
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Why, MN
A suicidal woman races a small town deputy to catch the local serial killer so that she can become the final victim.
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Take a Hit
1930's Chicago - Prohibition's on, pot's too unknown to be illegal, and the Sullivan Brothers are pro-tokers who agree to "take a hit" for the mafia.
LANCE TRAVERS is a small town star quarterback, a basketball legend, and a popular, academic golden boy who should be king of his high school – if only he were a leader. It’s the beginning of Lance’s senior year and his second-rate, alpha male teammate CHAD BANNING is ready to dominate on and off the court – with torturing weakling geeks as his specialty. Unfortunately, Lance’s younger brother JACOB is an incoming Freshman, and he’s a scrawny, talented theatre geek who has the thing Lance lacks – balls.
Jacob also has a killer, unblockable jump shot that, though physically little, would make him a JV basketball star and remove him from Banning’s hit list – if only Lance could convince Jacob to try out for the team. But Jacob’s got too much integrity to abandon true friends just to escape torture; he’s determined to shake up the athletics-obsessed campus and help the dwindling arts programs gain respectability.
Improving Fine Arts is a goal of the school’s new hippy activist PRINCIPAL CHERI RAINA too, much to the chagrin of macho COACH VOLKER. With the full support of their Coach, Lance reluctantly helps Banning lead an all out prank assault on the theatre geeks. Disgusted that his big brother is such a pathetic lemming, Jacob leads the theatre geeks as they one-up the athletes at every turn with increasingly creative jokes and hoaxes the jocks can’t outwit. But when the prank wars result in Jacob getting hurt while Lance just stands by and lets it happen, Lance defies his coach and turns himself in.
Though Principal Raina was initially determined to restructure the overly pro-athletic extracurricular programs, ending the escalating war between geeks and athletes trumps all. The divided school must become one student body by switching roles for one week – or all extracurricular programs, including all sports, will be canceled for the rest of the year.
In one week, the athletes will have to perform a talent show and geeks will have to play an exhibition basketball game at a special assembly to prove to Principal Raina that they can unite. With teachers banned from helping the fish-out-of-water students, athletes will have to teach geeks how to play a serious game and geeks will have to train athletes to become triple threats- on the stage.
Lance needs to play basketball this season to secure his scholarship, only Banning’s so bitter and Jacob’s so antagonistic, the rift may be irreparable. Unless Lance can learn to become a leader and earn his brother’s forgiveness before it’s too late – he’ll never become anything more than a high school has been.
Jacob also has a killer, unblockable jump shot that, though physically little, would make him a JV basketball star and remove him from Banning’s hit list – if only Lance could convince Jacob to try out for the team. But Jacob’s got too much integrity to abandon true friends just to escape torture; he’s determined to shake up the athletics-obsessed campus and help the dwindling arts programs gain respectability.
Improving Fine Arts is a goal of the school’s new hippy activist PRINCIPAL CHERI RAINA too, much to the chagrin of macho COACH VOLKER. With the full support of their Coach, Lance reluctantly helps Banning lead an all out prank assault on the theatre geeks. Disgusted that his big brother is such a pathetic lemming, Jacob leads the theatre geeks as they one-up the athletes at every turn with increasingly creative jokes and hoaxes the jocks can’t outwit. But when the prank wars result in Jacob getting hurt while Lance just stands by and lets it happen, Lance defies his coach and turns himself in.
Though Principal Raina was initially determined to restructure the overly pro-athletic extracurricular programs, ending the escalating war between geeks and athletes trumps all. The divided school must become one student body by switching roles for one week – or all extracurricular programs, including all sports, will be canceled for the rest of the year.
In one week, the athletes will have to perform a talent show and geeks will have to play an exhibition basketball game at a special assembly to prove to Principal Raina that they can unite. With teachers banned from helping the fish-out-of-water students, athletes will have to teach geeks how to play a serious game and geeks will have to train athletes to become triple threats- on the stage.
Lance needs to play basketball this season to secure his scholarship, only Banning’s so bitter and Jacob’s so antagonistic, the rift may be irreparable. Unless Lance can learn to become a leader and earn his brother’s forgiveness before it’s too late – he’ll never become anything more than a high school has been.
Comments (5)
Deb Schuh Very unique and interesting idea. LIke the dialogue.
March 11, 2010Joey Biagio Hello Christine! :]
March 10, 2010I’m going to do another stream of consciousness reviews because I think they allow for maximum honesty, and lets the writer of the piece being reviewed to know EXACTLY what is being thought of their pitch as a reader goes through it step by step.
Title: Geek for a Week. It works in that it sets up the premise already. However I’m not sold on it yet. Then again, this is from the guy that has everyone going ??? About HIS pitches title so…grain of salt.
Logline: Not crazy about it. The lose sports forever seems kind of vague to me. Lose every game? The school will cancel their sports programs? Etc. Easily rectified though.
Synopsis: Lance Travers. I don’t know why but for some reason this name jumped a scene of the Simpsons to mind in which Homer legally changed his name to Max Power and is singing a song about it (“he’s the man whose name you’d love to touch…but you mustn’t touuuuuch”). This is both good or bad. Depending on how you envision this, if you want to go over the top (more farce-y like Mystery Men) keep the name. If you want something more subtle, I’d change it. That’s just a personal opinion though…and you mustn’t touch.
Alright, setting up some conflict from the very first paragraph. Nice.
-I like Jacob. Not seeing a lot of humor so far though.
-Coach vs Principal. I wonder if they fall in love…
-”with increasing pranks/jokes” I would have liked an example or two :P
- Lots of possible joke farming here though.
-Ah, make them both lose something they care about. Ingenious.
-Cant wait to see the one or two jocks that find that they prefer the stage ;)
Hmmm not bad. Set up a good concept. On to the sample.
-Properly formatted. A lot of detail.
-Ok so. Here’s the dealio. Five pages in a comedy script that’s mean to showcase the comedy aspect…and..I didn’t find any comedy….
BUT! What I did find was a professionally crafted work that set up the story as well as demonstrate that the writer obviously knows what she’s doing. There is nothing wrong with the scene, in fact for some reason I’m thinking of several films produced by Disney that have the same feel to them. These are all GREAT things.
And the concept is GOOD. But…and this is another huge but…there *is* a comedy competition. And while I do see the *potential* (loads of it in fact), I don’t feel like enough time was spent focusing on the it. I feel as though you should have picked a sample that highlighted some of the pranks that would be done, or maybe the fish out of water scenes with the jocks as nerds and the nerds as jokes. Hmmm…
Joey Biagio Meant* darn typos.
March 10, 2010Christian Badami There are lots of really great angles and elements to this story.
March 9, 2010I dig the element of geeks and jocks in an escalating prank war on campus. Writing that in a way that shows just how harsh the pranks can eventually get will be a challenge and fun. Could be wild when the stakes actually get seriously high with these pranks... While violence isn't normally the result (until Jake is hurt), even the earlier pranks could all result in a kind of "social death" for the mark, because the pranks are so damn embarrassing. They are designed at first for fun and laughs, then with the aim of socially "killing" the person's reputation, and then finally in someone getting hurt. I know it may not sound all that funny the way I just reflected it back, but there can be a cool light humor that segues to darker humor with this escalation.
This aspect of "relatively harmless yet damaging fun" reminds me of Bugsy Malone, where kids are acting like gangsters and putting hits on eachother, but no one is really hurt because they are shooting eachother with whipped cream bullets. Something very cool about this whole idea of yours.
It goes from this escalating prank war to a turnabout with the role playing, which I find full of possibilities for great character interaction. Remember the guy teaching his buddy to dance in Footloose? Classic blockbuster.
The only tweak I could not help but suggest is: It seems that your whole set up BEGS for Jake to NOT be good at sports at all. What if Jake truly is a geek/drama guy and he envies his big jock bro, never realizing till the end that his big bro was actually envious of little brother's talents too. Have you considered that option? It seems like setting up this big gulf of differences between the two brothers would provide for a great moment of bonding and healing later when Lance would have to teach Jake to play ball and Jake has to teach Lance how to fill a major role in the theatre production.
This also got me thinking that the stakes might be higher if you didn't have the Principal cancel the big game/switch it to an assembly exhibition. If the big game is still on, as-scheduled, the pressure is SOOOO much greater for the novice kids filling in on the court. Maybe you already have similar stakes-raising elements for the theatre production/talent show as well... Is it opening night of the final stage musical of the year? Is it some kind of regional/semi-finals type talent showcase where lots of different districts are competing for a statewide prize?
I think you've got the spine and catchy elements of a really fun and unique high school comedy, with a serious heart at its core. I like comedy that comes to some kind of heartfelt meaning, not in a cheesy way, but by tickling the right heartstrings all through the story and then paying off in the end.
Your writing sample is professional and well done, kudos for attention to formatting detail.
Nice work. Best of luck to you!!
Cb
Steven Kahler Again, I find a writer? who has no clue what an aside is and why I rant on about this rule breaking that most beginners fall victim to. Read on, I'll explain.
March 9, 2010This author writes: "Only half listening"? Really? With what ear? Please tell me how a DIrector shoots half listening? Please. I'd love to hear it. (Of course I won't respond in this forum, but give it your best shot.)
Another gem from this classic: The author writes "Lily Travers, petite intelligent musician." How can I shoot "intelligent" if a writer hasn't creatively SHOWN me how they are intelligent -- on the freakin' page?
"He is missing his confidence" Where the f*** did it go? I could go on and on but I hope you're getting the idea?
Writing professionally means getting out of your head and onto the page words that a movie can be made from, you know, a blueprint. If you fill up your screenplay with asides how in the real world of filming pages for the screen can the script be accurately broken down? Remember, one page is one minute on the screen -- unless it is filled with worthless black space from an unprofessional screenplay and then how are your COLLABORATORS to know what's needed or not in the breakdown? If a writer hasn't learned one of the cardinal rules of writing for the screen--SHOW don't TELL and establishes that through the actions of the character then you have a mess when dollars are on the line. That's the BIZ. Doesn't take an MFA to figure that one out.
Leave asides to a Director who is using them to guide the other departments he is collaborating with. You know, costuming, set designers, those people. They are they only ones who need to see them. (Unless you're either well established in the industry, in which case anything goes, or you're trying to piss off the Director for directing his movie.)
This is just my professional advise. Take it or leave it.
This is screenwriting basics class 101, gang. If you don't believe me call a film school MFA program and ask an instructor.
Christine Bartsch I find this review to be unprofessional. You proclaim that you will not comment back in this forum to comments on your reviews, however in this review you mention information I provided in my comments back on your inaccurate review of one of my other entries "Why, MN."
March 9, 2010I'm sorry that you feel threatened by the fact that I have an MFA in screenwriting. I'm sorry that, based on the reviews you've littered this site with, you apparently do not have an understanding of the difference between a spec script and a shooting script.
Little 101 for any new writer (which I am not) might be misled by inaccurate information provided in your reviews: Spec scripts aren't written for the director alone to SHOW his vision, that's a shooting script. A SPEC script is meant to TELL a story, as is meant to appeal to ACTORS, PRODUCERS, AGENTS, CINEMATOGRAPHERS, ET. AL. - not just directors - hence they include descriptions and actions that INFORM character, not just what we see. Granted this should be done visually, which many of the scripts you've lampooned do quite well.
Using mine again as a sample - "half-listening," well that actually describes a visual that immediately tells the reader that the character in question isn't focused on the conversation they're having in the scene. In my case, Lily is focusing on a symphony she's composing instead of her son. This is the visual that indeed demonstrates that she is an intelligent musician - ask musicians some time, composing a symphony isn't easy it takes intelligence. And the fact that she's petite, well that informs the story - her youngest son is short and scrawny, aka petite like his mother, an important part of the story arc important to the story which is why readers are informed of her physique when they meet her.
Missing his confidence - well, anyone who has taken the time to actually read my concept submission (instead of those who skimmed looking for phrases to exploit) would know that by all outward appearances Lance
Christine Bartsch Lance is the perfect high school golden boy, great athlete, popular, smart, the only thing he lacks is the confidence to lead. In fact, that's what the WHOLE story is about. Kind of an important fact, so it's important that the actor who plays the role knows that.
March 9, 2010Finally, I just have to point out that an "aside" is a theatrical term where the actor breaks the fourth wall and speaks directly to the audience. Ferris Bueller does a lot on his "Day Off" - my characters do not. The use of the term "aside" in this review indicates to me that this is by a megalomaniac director that feels the writer should write ONLY for him and not for the actors. It would lead me to assume that kind of director considers producers, actors, cinematographers, and all others important in the making of a film to merely be props for to be manipulated. I have to respectfully disagree with that -everyone who takes part in the process has a creative voice. I respectfully request that you leave mine alone.
Luke Steinberger Great job establishing the two brothers in the sample scenes. Interesting premise, though you'll have to make sure the switch is believable; I don't think you'll have a problem with that though. Does Lance have a love interest? I hate to suggest that every story needs one, but an artistic girl seems like a good way to push Lance over the edge from being in a mandated school program to leading true change in his life and in his school.
March 9, 2010