Mrs. Dude
Jeff put his band on hold when his career-driven wife got pregnant. Two kids later, his band mate comes to visit, stirring things up for the stay-at-home dad.
Other Projects (1)
-
Field Study
Rachel Seiffert's award-winning story. A biologist creates false panic in a village and his ego gets in the way of telling the truth upon discovering his error.
Jeff Wise loved his rock-and-roll life with his band Taster. After ten years of sex and partying, he went faithful at 30 to his girlfriend Carmen, the headstrong tour manager. She got pregnant. They got married, and she convinced him to give up the band to care for the baby. She earned twice the money he did and doesn't believe in babysitters or nannies. She also doesn't trust her Elvis-obsessed father and lushy Priscilla mother to look after the baby. Jeff acquiesced and became a self-proclaimed stay-at-home dad despite the pleading of his band mates. Four years and two kids later, Jeff (36) has fully drunk the cool-aid and is a full-time glorified babysitter of his own children, brewing beer in the backyard, and 20 pounds heavier.
Eric Martin, 30, Jeff's one-time greatest fan and mentee, comes through town on tour. His band just broke big and Eric wants to stay with his idol Jeff. He also wants the first true love in his life, Melissa, to meet "the man". The couple visits Jeff and Carmen for two weeks before the gig and stay in the apartment above the garage. Eric arrives to find Jeff a changed man, running after a two year-old boy (Nathan) and a four year-old girl (Ruby), but he can't see the truth at first. Melissa notices in the first five minutes. Holding onto the glory of their past, it takes some rude awakenings before Eric decides Jeff needs saving.
Meanwhile free-spirited Melissa is forced to befriend traditional, rigid Carmen. She learns about her side of the relationship, her philosophy on sex and how she hates all children but her own. Melissa has no intention of having children anytime soon, but Eric doesn't know this yet. The two couples confront what might be lacking in their relationships while Jeff and Eric drink more and more beer listening to Coil on full volume and Carmen plies Melissa with her ritual G & T’s and barks orders at resigned Jeff. The kids are a constant comic interruption. They’ve taken over the house and Ruby wants to play puppies literally, and Nathan picks up everything dangerous.
Jeff confides to Eric that he’s a certified beer judge and makes his own craft beers. He’s secretly a member of a brew club (stay-at-home dads who’ve turned their love of beer drinking into a serious hobby). Eric convinces him he should start his own pub. Jeff’s sure Carmen won’t go for it. Carmen wants to prove she can handle the kids without Jeff so Eric and Melissa decide to take him on a road trip along the PCH. The kids cry, Jeff’s somewhat hung-over, and the separation experience is dramatic. Carmen calls constantly to tell him what he forgot for the trip. Finally free and out of cell range, the trio stops at different beach sites along the way. Jeff longs for the obvious romance Eric and Melissa share. He confesses he hasn’t had sex in six months. Carmen would only do it on Sundays, but Nathan sleeps in their room.
He takes off his shirt and Eric notices his man-boobs. It’s now that Eric really sees that Jeff let himself go. They stop at a brewery to taste beers, and the head brewer recognizes Jeff from the certification course. He remembers how good Jeff’s brews were and admits he’s been following his secret twitters. He says his wife is about to give birth and he needs someone to cover for him for six months. Jeff would have to start in two weeks.
Eric goads Jeff to talk to Carmen about the offer setting off a huge fight. Meanwhile, Eric and Melissa figure out if they’ll have a future when she doesn’t know if she wants kids. Jeff finally puts his foot down and takes the position at the brewery. He’ll start the kids off in kindergarten. Carmen decides to take more time off to help. Eric and Melissa decide to adopt-a-highway for now and see about their own kids later. Jeff and Eric hang out at the show, finally reconciled in who they are today rather than living past glory. For Eric and Jeff, it’s man with vs. man without and depending on how you look at it, they both are both.
Eric Martin, 30, Jeff's one-time greatest fan and mentee, comes through town on tour. His band just broke big and Eric wants to stay with his idol Jeff. He also wants the first true love in his life, Melissa, to meet "the man". The couple visits Jeff and Carmen for two weeks before the gig and stay in the apartment above the garage. Eric arrives to find Jeff a changed man, running after a two year-old boy (Nathan) and a four year-old girl (Ruby), but he can't see the truth at first. Melissa notices in the first five minutes. Holding onto the glory of their past, it takes some rude awakenings before Eric decides Jeff needs saving.
Meanwhile free-spirited Melissa is forced to befriend traditional, rigid Carmen. She learns about her side of the relationship, her philosophy on sex and how she hates all children but her own. Melissa has no intention of having children anytime soon, but Eric doesn't know this yet. The two couples confront what might be lacking in their relationships while Jeff and Eric drink more and more beer listening to Coil on full volume and Carmen plies Melissa with her ritual G & T’s and barks orders at resigned Jeff. The kids are a constant comic interruption. They’ve taken over the house and Ruby wants to play puppies literally, and Nathan picks up everything dangerous.
Jeff confides to Eric that he’s a certified beer judge and makes his own craft beers. He’s secretly a member of a brew club (stay-at-home dads who’ve turned their love of beer drinking into a serious hobby). Eric convinces him he should start his own pub. Jeff’s sure Carmen won’t go for it. Carmen wants to prove she can handle the kids without Jeff so Eric and Melissa decide to take him on a road trip along the PCH. The kids cry, Jeff’s somewhat hung-over, and the separation experience is dramatic. Carmen calls constantly to tell him what he forgot for the trip. Finally free and out of cell range, the trio stops at different beach sites along the way. Jeff longs for the obvious romance Eric and Melissa share. He confesses he hasn’t had sex in six months. Carmen would only do it on Sundays, but Nathan sleeps in their room.
He takes off his shirt and Eric notices his man-boobs. It’s now that Eric really sees that Jeff let himself go. They stop at a brewery to taste beers, and the head brewer recognizes Jeff from the certification course. He remembers how good Jeff’s brews were and admits he’s been following his secret twitters. He says his wife is about to give birth and he needs someone to cover for him for six months. Jeff would have to start in two weeks.
Eric goads Jeff to talk to Carmen about the offer setting off a huge fight. Meanwhile, Eric and Melissa figure out if they’ll have a future when she doesn’t know if she wants kids. Jeff finally puts his foot down and takes the position at the brewery. He’ll start the kids off in kindergarten. Carmen decides to take more time off to help. Eric and Melissa decide to adopt-a-highway for now and see about their own kids later. Jeff and Eric hang out at the show, finally reconciled in who they are today rather than living past glory. For Eric and Jeff, it’s man with vs. man without and depending on how you look at it, they both are both.
Comments (39)
Christopher Rowley Sounds like me in my first marriage. I dig your concept.
July 30, 2010Steven Kahler There is so much NOT going on in this sample that I don't know where to start. Do I start with the inane dialogue or the lack of craft? I think this may help the author if they don't get my drift. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/inane
March 22, 2010Michelle Cutler Ha, I'll make sure to share your thoughts with the studio producers who have optioned my scripts and paid me to write for them.
March 22, 2010Lose the hat, it only adds to your appearance of being an asshole.
I have no more patience for the lack of tact you and many other people display on this site. I'll be sure to never hire you for anything.
Sean Maroldo This is hysterical! Reminds me of my brother and his friend. I think you could lose the girlfriend to add some tension when the two guys go out together. It should really just be a buddy movie, and the wife can't come across as just a wench. It'd be nice for Jeff to find out a way to live with love in his marriage. As an actor, I look most at the characters and I think both roles would be fun to play. Good luck!
March 21, 2010Michelle Cutler Thanks, Sean - losing the girlfriend has come up a lot and I'm definitely considering it.
March 22, 2010Jonathan Davenport This should be called "Mr. Dude" ('Sideways' but with beer).
March 17, 2010This feels very ambitious and I think you've got a lot of great character moments and self-realizations at work here. I see depth, I see emotion, I see deeply buried self-loathing and some cathartic moments of clarity.
What I don't see is a comedy.
I'll be honest...as a writer, I'm not really into films for the sake of art. I'm concentrating more on commercial, mainstream stuff, for good or ill. Based on your material, I doubt we're on the same page artistically, but if I were to suggest something as a mainstream audience member, it would be the following:
1) Jeff shouldn't be introduced to me as a band guy who put his career on hold to have kids unless you plan on getting him back to that in some way. OR by getting a closer look at Eric's life, realizing that path was never for him in the first place.
2) The beer-brewer thing feels like it comes out of nowhere and suddenly becomes his calling. I would've preferred that was his former career path or a well-known dream of his if that's where he's going to end up.
3) As character arcs go, I don't see a clear one here with Jeff. As an audience member, I either want him to learn that staying home with his kids wasn't a waste of time and was actually his true calling all along...OR...learning that he's always put other's needs before his and that it's okay to be selfish every now and then. And I want a very clear moment when he learns this.
Again, I'm not suggesting you actually do these things because I don't think that's the movie you're aiming for. This feels like a good film that deserves to get made, but I don't think at present it's suited for mainstream tastes.
That said, you seem like a talented person and I wish you all the luck!
Michelle Cutler Thanks so much for this. When I read for others - as I've done for competitions and production companies in the past - I always cut through the overwritten parts to the points that would make it commercial, as you've done. It's so hard to do for myself though and I truly appreciate what you've offered up. I hope we can stay in contact. I'd offer myself as a reader for your work at anytime.
March 22, 2010Best, Michelle
Duncan Kempson I love the stay-home-dad finding his identity idea for a comedy. I have a friends who are stay home dads while their wives bring home the paycheck and it's definitely interesting territory to explore. I think his adventure should be more directly linked to the big love of his life -- if he used to be rocker and was defined by that, then let's see him trying to stage a rock comeback while juggling an infant and a little kid... or if he used to X, and now he's trying to get back to that former glory... Think the comedy version of Crazy Heart or the Wrestler. Somebody who defined himself as X and that was robbed from him and now he's trying to figure out who he is, now that he lost that part of his identity. Identity/ how we define ourselves by that one talent & who are we once we lose that could be central themes to the story...
March 15, 2010Michelle Cutler Thanks Duncan - those references actually shed another light on it. I'm still in the early stages of this idea. Wondering if the Rocker persona is already too played though. The character is based on a one-time chef who gave up the 80 hours/week job for the stay-at-home one.
March 15, 2010Duncan Kempson I don't think the rocker thing is played out as long as you make it specific and real. The trailer for Get Him to the Greek looks hilarious for example. It could be anything that you're prepared to get really specific about. In the Wrestler, he defined himself as a wrestler, in Crazy Heart, as a badass country star, in Big Fan as a Giants Fan... Anything that could be defined as being the opposite of being a stay-home dad. You're setting up two opposites. If he's a former rocker and you then throw in beer-tasting, I lose a sense of what it's about. Plus plenty of dads drink beer -- hence the Homer Simpson/ Archie Bunker American dad archetype so not sure that works as an opposite love/obsession...
March 15, 2010Hope this helps, D.
Jason Meyers I think there was once a high concept but it got lost in the story. Mrs. Dude conveys to me something about The Big Lewbowski. You include a reference on the title page to Mr. Mom which you don't do in professional screenwriting. It only confuses since the concept and the story don't deliver either Mr. Mom or Mr. Mom 20 years later sort of riff. To be high concept the concept needs to be not only the center of the conflict but be shown. We see almost nothing of his life as a Mr. Mom. To hold true to the Mr. Mom vibe which was a great twist on both fish out of water and role reversal, it might be more interesting to show him suddenly called back to his old band and having to cope with a life he is now unfamiliar with in conflict with trying to still be a stay at home Dad-like having to drag kids to rehearsals or backstage etc. The old friend and his girl seem unlikable and too much like plot devices. The lead seems passive. Action happens to him. That's what I got from the scene. I didn't find anyone to like or empathize with in the scene. There was a lot a lot of action/description-large chunks of black. The dialogue was pretty on the nose-there was 0 zero subtext. They spoke in complete sentences and even paragraphs and nobody had a recognizable "voice." All of this is fixiable. Get back to the concept and really show him as a stay at home Dad struggling with changing his life or really being a fish out of water. Some screenwriting course or books can help with the actual execution. There's lots of resources to access to help with writing realistic dialogue and keeping the action/description spare and only what's really necessary to convey the setting and action..
March 14, 2010Julie Phillips I really like the pitch. This is so how lots of dads are living these days. Watching the kids while the wife works and how funny that she only likes her own kids. I think that how a lot of women feel and just won't admit it! Good job!
March 14, 2010Cody Snyder Hello Michelle,
March 13, 2010The first thing that really hit me like a ton of bricks was your immediate comparison to another film on your title page, that really irked me from the get go.
I really don't see 'Mr.Mom' in it though, other than you trying to play off the name by using 'Mrs. Dude', which was odd (seems better suited for a film about a drag queen or something to that extent) . What I do see is 'Knocked Up'. Not the main plot of the film, but within the relationship between the characters played by Leslie Mann & Paul Rudd. It even seems like your trying to take the identical relationship between Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen's characters and put them into Eric and Jeff.
Your just not quite pulling it off for me.
I don't really see how it could successfully be a feature film without getting very sluggish even 30 minutes in.
Your synopsis seemed too descriptive, especially with things that seemed irrelevant to continue your plot along.
This is from Lionsgate: ' We've designed the pitch submission process to focus on ideas at an early stage - with the scene sample serving as more of a demonstration of your writing abilities rather than a sample from a screenplay. We want to remove the burden of having to write an entire feature-length script in order to submit to this program - hopefully you'll come up with great ideas and quickly put a scene together without investing too much time and energy. If it's a great idea, we'll have more than enough time and resources to continue to develop the concept. '
Seems like you got a little too in depth with things.
I think they just wanted a quick "fresh idea" to work off of.
Best,
-Cody
Michelle Cutler Thanks, Cody. Such in-depth critique trumps ambivalence and I truly appreciate the amount of time and thought you put into it. Very helpful and insightful.
March 13, 2010I do think you're being presumptuous to speak on behalf of Lionsgate however.
All the best :)
Cody Snyder I resent your "presumptuous" remark.
March 13, 2010Sorry if I seem to be coming off as arrogant by pointing out what they were looking for, it was a valid point though.
Plus, I'm not "speaking on behalf of Lionsgate", I copied exactly what they said from the FAQ and pasted it.
The Bad Luck Gal! You have no luck today, sorry. Maybe you'll have better luck tomorrow. :-)
March 12, 2010Jonathan Dane I like the character development and first 1/3 of the synopsis then you lose me.I felt a bit overwhelmed when reading it. I got the impression that SO much was going on. Too much for me and bouncing here and there and all over the place. I also felt that some of the details were more minor rather than plot points. Frenetic was the word that comes to mind. The beer thing seems a tad too convenient for me also. I think something like that might make an audience groan.
March 12, 2010As for your sample pages, I think the writing is good. My notes here would be the following: 1) you use of names is overly prevalent in the script. We should know what's going on w/o all that and 2) there's a great deal of talking about exactly what they're doing in the scene.
I hope this is constructive. I'd rather be honest than just sugar coat it to stroke an ego. I think the script has promise, but just needs tweaking and some rewriting.
Michelle Cutler Thanks Jonathan. Super helpful!
March 12, 2010