One-Two Punch
A low-ranked professional golfer makes his money robbing nearby banks during the PGA tour instead of playing on the links.
HAL KETCHAM has spent the last 10 years struggling on the PGA Tour. By no means one of the tour's stars, Hal is a low-ranked player with no endorsements and usually goes by unnoticed as the tour goes from town to town. But that is just fine with Hal. After he finishes his round of golf, Hal takes advantage of both his obscurity and the distracted local law-enforcement to rob banks in nearby small towns. In fact, Hal makes more money from this than he ever did from playing golf. Hal is looking to continue doing this for a few more years, and then retire. Though his passion for golf remains, he is beginning to realize that his better years are past him.
However, Hal is facing two new obstacles in his life. On the tour, a new, young, hot-headed golf prodigy named SPARK JENSEN is getting on Hal's nerves.Hal, who has always considered himself "old-school", is irritated by Spark's disrespect for the game and his showboating ways. And putting a damper on Hal's "extra-curricular" activities is BYRON CROWLEY, a mid-west FBI field agent keeping a close eye on a series of bank robberies throughout the central United States.
Not wanting to be caught by the FBI, and motivated by the irritation of Spark, Hal decides to make a change in his life by dressing flashier, golfing better, and most importantly: getting laid. One night at a hotel on the tour, Hal meets KELLY PARSONS, an alcoholic motivational speaker. Hal and Kelly hit it off at the bar, but Kelly passes out. Hal lets her crash in his room while he sleeps on the floor. When Hal wakes up in the morning, and heads to the links, he finds that Kelly has followed him. She has also discovered the hidden money in his room. Instead of turning him in, Kelly is turned on by the fact he is a bank robber and joins him in his heists.
Invigorated by Kelly (who turns from a friend into an accomplice and then into a lover), and with a new passion for life, Hal starts to play better than he ever has on the course, eventually making it to the top of the rankings with Spark.
Reaching the tournament championship, and with FBI Agent Crowley getting closer to finding out who is behind the robberies, Hal has to decide to whether he wants to go out like a champion on the links, a criminal on the run, or a content citizen who retires with the love of his life.
A mix of "Tin Cup" and "Catch Me If You Can", juxtaposed with a great late 60's/early 70's R&B Soundtrack, "One-Two Punch" is a unique comedy about golf, crime, love and everything in between the back nine.
However, Hal is facing two new obstacles in his life. On the tour, a new, young, hot-headed golf prodigy named SPARK JENSEN is getting on Hal's nerves.Hal, who has always considered himself "old-school", is irritated by Spark's disrespect for the game and his showboating ways. And putting a damper on Hal's "extra-curricular" activities is BYRON CROWLEY, a mid-west FBI field agent keeping a close eye on a series of bank robberies throughout the central United States.
Not wanting to be caught by the FBI, and motivated by the irritation of Spark, Hal decides to make a change in his life by dressing flashier, golfing better, and most importantly: getting laid. One night at a hotel on the tour, Hal meets KELLY PARSONS, an alcoholic motivational speaker. Hal and Kelly hit it off at the bar, but Kelly passes out. Hal lets her crash in his room while he sleeps on the floor. When Hal wakes up in the morning, and heads to the links, he finds that Kelly has followed him. She has also discovered the hidden money in his room. Instead of turning him in, Kelly is turned on by the fact he is a bank robber and joins him in his heists.
Invigorated by Kelly (who turns from a friend into an accomplice and then into a lover), and with a new passion for life, Hal starts to play better than he ever has on the course, eventually making it to the top of the rankings with Spark.
Reaching the tournament championship, and with FBI Agent Crowley getting closer to finding out who is behind the robberies, Hal has to decide to whether he wants to go out like a champion on the links, a criminal on the run, or a content citizen who retires with the love of his life.
A mix of "Tin Cup" and "Catch Me If You Can", juxtaposed with a great late 60's/early 70's R&B Soundtrack, "One-Two Punch" is a unique comedy about golf, crime, love and everything in between the back nine.
Comments (39)
Erica H The pitch sounds like Happy Gilmore meets Bonnie & Clyde... Of all names, why Hal Ketchum? Are you aware that he was a country singer back in the 90s? The script was pretty good, although this drunken Kelly girl really got on my nerves and we didn't get to hear much from the main guy. This definitely has potential to be funny, but not something I'd personally want to see.
March 18, 2010Elizabeth Saas One-Two Punch is a concept that's made to be made. Funny is money, and this comedy takes all potential audience into account and gives them something to show up for.
March 18, 2010It capitalizes on America's love affair with golf while putting the spotlight on the player that doesn't get any press. Great job of setting it in a world that's already popular with the 18-49 male moviegoer and giving it a twist.
The marriage of heist comedy and story of a has-been/never-was athlete packs a not only a ton of comic potential, but also shows the promise of satisfying and interesting development for the protagtonist. Since Hal is such a loser when we meet him, there's a lot of potential for growth and change.
And since Hal's possible change is catalyzed by the love interest, the concept shrewdly weaves in the element of romantic comedy, so you get the guys in the seats with the golf and the caper comedy--and the women who love comedy as well--but for the girls who are on the fence about a guy/golf/caper picture, there's Kelly. I personally would love to see a motivational speaker with a drinking problem--on the big screen, I mean: some of the ones I've seen in real life have GOT to be on something.
Great idea! I laughed as I read it.
Steven Kahler How does this scene introduce the protagonist? Sitting in a bar? What ever happened to a golfer showing us his world on the links? Or, how about his life as a bank robber? Or the setup from the synopsis, that would work.
March 17, 2010Instead this author chooses a staple of most bad scripts by introducing their character in a bar then giving all of the dialogue to someone else instead of focusing on the hero.
This isn't a script, it's a mess.
Jonathan Davenport I totally get it. After reading the synopsis, I couldn't understand why you were getting such high ratings...then I read your pages. They're phenomenal! You've got a great ear for dialogue, your pacing is spot-on and best of all, you've got an actual, goddam sense of humor! Bravo, man! Nice writing!
March 17, 2010If I were to offer any kind of criticism, it would be that there doesn't seem to be a direct relationship between the conflicts happening in your story. I think you've got all the right elements but they could be tied together in a different way to make a really cohesive story. For example...
Right now, Hal's motivation for becoming a better golfer is that he doesn't want to be caught by the FBI and there's a guy who's irritating him on the links. He makes a change in his life and as a result, meets Kelly, who sparks another change in his life. That's two story catalysts and they seem to be sending me conflicting messages as to what your movie's really about. Plus, one is MUCH stronger than the other. But if you arrange them in a slightly different order, here's what you get:
Hal is an average golfer who's taken to bank robbing because, hell, why not do something he's actually good at? Then he meets Kelly, who is turned on by his secret hobby. They have some bank robbing misadventures and now he starts to feel good about himself, but a weird thing happens...he starts to get better at golf! Which is actually a bad thing because his bank robbing career hinges on him NOT getting a lot of attention. So now his lifelong dream of being a successful golf pro is in his grasp, but there's a problem...Kelly's not into him for his golfing - she's an adrenaline junkie - she finds ordinary lives mundane and boring and golf just doesn't seem like it'd be up her alley. So now Hal's got to make a choice... Keep the girl and continue bank robbing with the FBI getting ever closer to catching him...OR...take one last stab at his real dream and risk losing the girl who he believes actually makes him a good golfer.
This way, you don't have to waste precious pages showing Hal deciding to make a change in his life and going about it. We don't want to see the character change immediately after meeting him. Save that for act 2.
Anyway, you can take or leave these comments, but either way you're really talented and I wish you the best of luck!
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Derrick Paserba Not too sure how this would be pulled together successfully. Although I appreciated the last "Bonnie & Clyde" line, I felt a lot of Kelly's dialogue was needlessly crude
March 13, 2010Also I feel that there needs to be a clearer jump from Hal being a lower level player to the top of the rankings other than just meeting an invigorating new girl. Was he a failed prodigy? I feel something like that may strengthen your script.
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Ben Spinks Fake reviews and now fake professors that hear "the voice of Meryl Streep" in your script sample? I called Iowa Western CC. There is no Sheldon Kenmore teaching there. Sad Casey.
March 12, 2010What you fail to realize is that, is that none of these reviews matter in light of your weak script sample. ARE YOU LISTENING? YOUR DIALOGUE IS WEAK.
Robert Dobbins Yeah, I don't think that they can hear you, bro... but I can. ;)
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