Raw Meat
Two friends turn the failing and in-debted sub shop they have “inherited” into an underground prostitution ring to pay an "acquired" debt.
Other Projects (1)
-
Night Love
And you think your relationships suck.....
THOMAS SPRINGS and RICHARD DANSON are down on their luck. Tom is an assistant restaurant manager, who just wants the opportunity to show himself, but never gets the chance. Working at your average chain restaurant, he has the drive, but his job doesn’t motivate him to do more. Rick just wants to cook, but the bills continue to pile up after culinary school and he just can’t keep up. The only job he can find is making subs and pizza at a local pizzeria.
He discovers that his boss, TINO ANTONIO, owes some very dangerous men a lot of money and skips town. Rick is then confronted by ANDRE VELASQUEZ, the mob leader, with an ultimatum: pay $100,000 in one month or eating through a feeding tube.
Rick goes to Tom for help. Recalling a failed experience with an escort, Tom has an idea to run a prostitution ring out of the shop. His reasoning is, grossly over price certain subs (which are codes for the services) and send the women as delivery drivers. Say those subs are the best quality, thus the high price and that their delivery people having sex with the customers is all because their strong attraction to them, complete coincidence. The girls will be trained on what to say thus, if asked why they have sex with everyone they deliver to, they call just a high sex drive. Tom quits his job and decides to full time help Rick with his problem.
At first reluctant, Rick goes along at first, only because of his lack of other options. Business begins to boom as word spreads and it looks as if Rick will pay the debt. As the money begins to roll, Rick starts hitting on the girl, BRIDGET RYAN, who works next door to the sub shop. Tom begins to openly flirt with the slutiest delivery girl, CATHERINE BLUM. Things are going well for the two men until things start to get tense when two cops (DETECTIVE ROGER NIELSON AND DETECTIVE BENJAMIN ASI) investigating the mob they owe money too, stumble upon the shop. Seeing tons of gorgeous women delivering food and the high popularity of the place, makes them curious if there is something else to the shop.
They agree to stop when the debt is all paid, but when they pay Andre, he drops a bombshell on them: he knows about the prostitution ring and orders them to continue running it and he wants a cut. Andre also knows about the cops watching them. He says that if they go to them, there would be no place to hide. The police are getting closer and closer and not they are forced to continue. Left with no other options, the guys hatch a plan to run for it.
As they are driving off, they get picked up by the cops. While being interrogated, they snap and confess everything. Fearing for their lives, they beg the cops to just go arrest them for something else and to let them go. The cops refuse and force them to wear wires to their next money drop.
Both men go to their respective love interests; Rick confesses everything to Bridget and Tom finally has sex with Catherine. Catherine becomes smitten with him, saying he is the best she has ever had, but Tom is more than content being dramatic, standing up saying “I know” and walking out going to face what he believes is his certain demise.
When it comes time for the drop, Andre tells them to meet him at his warehouse where he scraps cars. Andre knows about them being picked up by the cops. He finds the wires, which mere moments before the cops bust in. There is a gun fight, during which Andre chases both the guys. Rick is tired of running and confronts Andre. Calling his bluff, Andre shoots Rick in the leg. Before he can finish the job, Tom hits Andre from behind with a wrench he found in the warehouse. Andre drops his gun and goes after Tom. He catches up with Tom, knocking him down. Andre begins to strangle him. Rick grabs the gun and shoots Andre in the back who then collapse on Tom. The cops finally get to the two men. They help them up and tell them they are all set.
Epilogue: The two men still own the most popular sub shop in the area, but do not do the prostitution ring anymore. Both guys have gotten the girl and are happy running the place.
He discovers that his boss, TINO ANTONIO, owes some very dangerous men a lot of money and skips town. Rick is then confronted by ANDRE VELASQUEZ, the mob leader, with an ultimatum: pay $100,000 in one month or eating through a feeding tube.
Rick goes to Tom for help. Recalling a failed experience with an escort, Tom has an idea to run a prostitution ring out of the shop. His reasoning is, grossly over price certain subs (which are codes for the services) and send the women as delivery drivers. Say those subs are the best quality, thus the high price and that their delivery people having sex with the customers is all because their strong attraction to them, complete coincidence. The girls will be trained on what to say thus, if asked why they have sex with everyone they deliver to, they call just a high sex drive. Tom quits his job and decides to full time help Rick with his problem.
At first reluctant, Rick goes along at first, only because of his lack of other options. Business begins to boom as word spreads and it looks as if Rick will pay the debt. As the money begins to roll, Rick starts hitting on the girl, BRIDGET RYAN, who works next door to the sub shop. Tom begins to openly flirt with the slutiest delivery girl, CATHERINE BLUM. Things are going well for the two men until things start to get tense when two cops (DETECTIVE ROGER NIELSON AND DETECTIVE BENJAMIN ASI) investigating the mob they owe money too, stumble upon the shop. Seeing tons of gorgeous women delivering food and the high popularity of the place, makes them curious if there is something else to the shop.
They agree to stop when the debt is all paid, but when they pay Andre, he drops a bombshell on them: he knows about the prostitution ring and orders them to continue running it and he wants a cut. Andre also knows about the cops watching them. He says that if they go to them, there would be no place to hide. The police are getting closer and closer and not they are forced to continue. Left with no other options, the guys hatch a plan to run for it.
As they are driving off, they get picked up by the cops. While being interrogated, they snap and confess everything. Fearing for their lives, they beg the cops to just go arrest them for something else and to let them go. The cops refuse and force them to wear wires to their next money drop.
Both men go to their respective love interests; Rick confesses everything to Bridget and Tom finally has sex with Catherine. Catherine becomes smitten with him, saying he is the best she has ever had, but Tom is more than content being dramatic, standing up saying “I know” and walking out going to face what he believes is his certain demise.
When it comes time for the drop, Andre tells them to meet him at his warehouse where he scraps cars. Andre knows about them being picked up by the cops. He finds the wires, which mere moments before the cops bust in. There is a gun fight, during which Andre chases both the guys. Rick is tired of running and confronts Andre. Calling his bluff, Andre shoots Rick in the leg. Before he can finish the job, Tom hits Andre from behind with a wrench he found in the warehouse. Andre drops his gun and goes after Tom. He catches up with Tom, knocking him down. Andre begins to strangle him. Rick grabs the gun and shoots Andre in the back who then collapse on Tom. The cops finally get to the two men. They help them up and tell them they are all set.
Epilogue: The two men still own the most popular sub shop in the area, but do not do the prostitution ring anymore. Both guys have gotten the girl and are happy running the place.
Comments (11)
Steven Kahler It's a shame when I see talent wasted on a weak premise.
March 26, 2010Erica H I agree with Jonathon, I really don't think this idea will work. It's fairly demeaning to women, but to be honest with you the biggest problem I have with this pitch/script is the multitude of spelling and grammatical errors. They completely distracted me from the content and made it confusing to read. I shouldn't have to figure out which word you meant to put into the script while I'm reading it.
March 19, 2010Also, another pet peeve of mine is the "fucks' written into the script. There are a lot of them and they are not needed.
At first I thought, oh my, this dialogue is terrible, however since it was a dream sequence, then it works. I really liked the transition from dream chef job to terrible job. But, that being said... if you are going to write a movie about a prostitution ring in a sub shop, the very least you could do is show us a scene from the sub shop and convince us it could be funny and not so demeaning. However, since you didn't do that, I'm only left with my initial thought that it would be very very difficult to make it work.
Good luck with the script in the future, I think you would be wise to really take Jonathon's advice to heart.
Jonathan Davenport I'm sorry, Mike, but I think you've got a flawed concept here, my man. I think the idea of being "forced" to run a prostitution ring from a sub shop might be more creepy than you think and I fear more creepy than funny. There's a reason there's only been one movie about female prostitution in the history of cinema that's been welcomed with open arms by the American public - it's a hard sell. And a story where two guys just up and decide to best way to get out of debt is to whore out women is an extremely hard sell. Add the fact that these guys are somewhat unlikable and I'm afraid you've got no sale.
March 16, 2010If I were you, I'd rethink the premise keeping the audience a little more in mind. You need your protagonists to be likable - even in an R-rated, male-oriented comedy. You need the situation to be believable. Right now, it's pretty weak that the mob boss would expect the assistant manager of a sub shop to take on the debt of his boss. It'd be much better if Tino was related in some way to Tom - father, uncle etc - to make it more believable that he'd be expected to take on his debt.
And assuming you're not married to this premise, I think a much more palatable way to go about setting up this situation might be to have Tom and Richard inherit a sub shop from someone's uncle or whatever only to discover that it's actually a front for a prostitution ring...and to make matters worse, it's losing money and they're now in debt to the mob.
If you do that, suddenly it's okay that your characters are in this situation because it wasn't their choice, or worse, their IDEA. Now they can be likable. Now the audience can relax and enjoy the seedy circumstances because they don't have to condone it.
As it stands now, from its dubious premise to its unlikable characters, it would take an extremely skillful director to nail the tone you need to sell this movie.
That said, I do think there's something here and with some polish, this could be a funny movie.
Best of luck!
Duncan Kempson There's something funny about the sub shop in the way that Clerks is sort of funny, but the plot feels too reliant on convenience and coincidence. The obstacles are easily overcome. Running a prostitution ring as an idea is one thing, but how would you shoot it without being just tacky and low-brow? Maybe that's what you're going for? [I'd also grammar check your scene.]
March 16, 2010Comment buried. Click to view
Comment buried. Click to view
Derek Peters Would you use the fantasy/ daydreams by the male lead more than once? That could be a good theme for the film! He could zone out into dreams of success sort of like Better off Dead or something but with a more upbeat-suspenseful tone. Hmmm I like this premise, could be very watchable and funny.
March 15, 2010Comment buried. Click to view
Comment buried. Click to view
Comment buried. Click to view