Skeet Squad
Three jobless stoners are caught between rival gangs controlling the city's sperm trade when they steal samples from a sperm bank and donate them back for cash.
Roommates JJ Künt, Charlie Hayasashi, and Tommy DaSilva have a serious problem: broke and unemployed, they now find that they’re being evicted. Faced with the need to acquire $3000 dollars in one month, they hatch a plan: if each of them donates sperm 4 times a week at $50 a pop (pun intended), they should, when combined with their unemployment, have enough to pay off their landlord and still have enough money to smoke themselves retarded every night.
Unfortunately biology and sperm bank quality standards throw a monkey-wrench into the situation: all of their sperm is positive for pot and, even if they stop smoking, their spunk won’t be clean for another 90 days. That night, while completely blitzed, they have an epiphany: if their sperm is unusable, then why not steal the sperm bank’s supply and sell it back to them? They then plan and execute that Greatest—and only—Sperm Heist in all of Human History.
Their heist is successful, despite Tommy’s complete inebriation during the escapade (it seems that security is rather lax at sperm banks), and the guys make some serious bank selling the semen to various sperm banks in the local area—in addition to having several horrible experiences such as, well, exactly what you would expect to have happen when three potheads are keeping 500 samples of semen in their refrigerator and freezer.
All good things have to end, however, and their world comes crashing down on them when they are kidnapped by the Russian mob. It turns out that the sperm bank they ripped off was in fact owned and operated by the mob and the theft of their prime specimens has taken a significant financial toll on their operations. The guys are left with a choice: either resupply the Russians or be drained of their vital fluids by an industrial cow-milker.
JJ, Charlie, and Tommy are forced to once again plan and execute a sperm heist. This time, however, they are captured in their attempt by a Chinese Triad gang: the owners of this particular sperm bank and the Russians direct rivals in the sperm racket. They manage to talk the Triads out of killing them by saying that they’ll steal the remainder of the Russian’s supply.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place the guys return home only to find the cops lying in wait for them. They’re brought to the regional FDA headquarters where they learn they’ve been captured by the FDA’s Sperm Piracy Task Force, charged with ending the racketeering associated with the national sperm trade. They under penalty of imprisonment, they assist the FDA in setting-up a sting operation, thus ending the reigns of both the Chinese Sperm Pirates and the Soviet Semen Syndicate and restoring free-market capitalism to the sperm trade.
We end on JJ, Charlie, and Tommy in their apartment—now paid off in full thanks to the federal government—wondering what the fuck that was all about as they take bong hits.
Unfortunately biology and sperm bank quality standards throw a monkey-wrench into the situation: all of their sperm is positive for pot and, even if they stop smoking, their spunk won’t be clean for another 90 days. That night, while completely blitzed, they have an epiphany: if their sperm is unusable, then why not steal the sperm bank’s supply and sell it back to them? They then plan and execute that Greatest—and only—Sperm Heist in all of Human History.
Their heist is successful, despite Tommy’s complete inebriation during the escapade (it seems that security is rather lax at sperm banks), and the guys make some serious bank selling the semen to various sperm banks in the local area—in addition to having several horrible experiences such as, well, exactly what you would expect to have happen when three potheads are keeping 500 samples of semen in their refrigerator and freezer.
All good things have to end, however, and their world comes crashing down on them when they are kidnapped by the Russian mob. It turns out that the sperm bank they ripped off was in fact owned and operated by the mob and the theft of their prime specimens has taken a significant financial toll on their operations. The guys are left with a choice: either resupply the Russians or be drained of their vital fluids by an industrial cow-milker.
JJ, Charlie, and Tommy are forced to once again plan and execute a sperm heist. This time, however, they are captured in their attempt by a Chinese Triad gang: the owners of this particular sperm bank and the Russians direct rivals in the sperm racket. They manage to talk the Triads out of killing them by saying that they’ll steal the remainder of the Russian’s supply.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place the guys return home only to find the cops lying in wait for them. They’re brought to the regional FDA headquarters where they learn they’ve been captured by the FDA’s Sperm Piracy Task Force, charged with ending the racketeering associated with the national sperm trade. They under penalty of imprisonment, they assist the FDA in setting-up a sting operation, thus ending the reigns of both the Chinese Sperm Pirates and the Soviet Semen Syndicate and restoring free-market capitalism to the sperm trade.
We end on JJ, Charlie, and Tommy in their apartment—now paid off in full thanks to the federal government—wondering what the fuck that was all about as they take bong hits.
Comments (1)
Sigfried Seeliger Really like the concept, and was funny. I would limit VO as much as you can, it's usually a crutch on action. But you deliver on the screen action. Good Job.
March 15, 2010