The Circle Jerks
A food truck chef moonlights as a sperm donor to finance an engagement ring, but when his fiance finds out, he and his pals must pull off a "bank" heist
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Circle Jerks
A food truck chef moonlights as a sperm donor to finance an engagement ring, but when his fiance finds out, he and his pals must pull off a "bank" heist.
Note: sorry for the double submission, my scene pages failed to "process".
Culinary school drop-out Harold Sternum is the "visionary" owner of a food truck specializing, exclusively, in 32 varieties of jalapeño poppers - even dessert variations, like the fruit-filled Cherry Popper. While Harold also serves as the truck's food designer and primary cook, he has employed two friends - Alfred Bernbaum (a fledgling method actor with a penchant for slipping into character at the most inopportune times) and aspiring guitar god, Teruo "Fast Fingers" Sugimoto - to help him compete within the city's booming food truck scene.
When Harold isn't busy stuffing peppers he enjoys the company of his beautiful hand-model girlfriend, Mindy Kitchen. A real go-getter, and according to Harold "The best thing that's ever happened to me", Mindy's highly respected and much sought-after in her field of expertise, being famously referred to as the Heidi Klum of hand models. However, with her career perpetually on the rise, Harold's concerns about their relationship have also begun to heighten.
Often criticized in the past for displaying, amongst other things, an utter lack of dedication and follow-through, Harold has vowed to begin anew - both the food truck and his relationship with Mindy being the focus of his newfound sense of commitment. To fail at either, now that he's really making an effort, would devastate Harold, perhaps resulting in depression and a return to apathetic behavior.
Therefore, to hopefully quell the emerging concerns surrounding his relationship with Mindy, Harold wants to increase, and display, his level of commitment by proposing marriage. The problem is, with a large part of the money he makes going back into his burgeoning food truck business it would take Harold several years to finance a ring befitting a hand model of Mindy's caliber.
At work one day, Alfred the actor tells Harold that he's flirted with the idea of donating sperm to supplement his paltry income. Furthermore, when Harold learns that a donor can make up to $7,000 in "six short months" he believes he may have found the answer to his engagement ring quandary. Unfortunately for Harold, Alfred insists, since it was his idea, that they go together.
After the lengthy application process and a battery of tests, Harold receives a letter notifying him that he's been accepted as a donor - much to Alfred's surprise and chagrin, he receives a letter informing him of the opposite (in addition to a restraining order).
Following a montage that's good for some laughs, but mainly exists to collapse six months' time, Harold purchases the ring and during a romantic dinner with Mindy proposes marriage. Mindy's surprise and delight quickly turn to shock and anger however, when she discovers how Harold managed to finance the beautiful ring. Ultimately, Harold's only hopes of rectifying the situation and mending his relationship with Mindy are to return the ring and find a way to retrieve his donated sperm - cryogenically preserved inside the sperm bank - before it's used to impregnate a slew of prospective mystery mothers.
Regrettably, the contract Harold signed makes it impossible for him to simply give back the money and have his donations destroyed. This obstacle, of course, spurs the protagonist toward extreme measures, a decision that could either solve his problem or destroy everything he's worked for...
Harold plans a bank heist to steal his own sperm.
So, with the help of a budding thespian, specializing in hackneyed accents, and a Japanese guitar virtuoso/food truck driver, Harold attempts to take back "what's mine" in what becomes a send-up of classic pressure-cooker heist movie sequences, and results in a laugh-packed, pepper-filled bromantic comedy.
Culinary school drop-out Harold Sternum is the "visionary" owner of a food truck specializing, exclusively, in 32 varieties of jalapeño poppers - even dessert variations, like the fruit-filled Cherry Popper. While Harold also serves as the truck's food designer and primary cook, he has employed two friends - Alfred Bernbaum (a fledgling method actor with a penchant for slipping into character at the most inopportune times) and aspiring guitar god, Teruo "Fast Fingers" Sugimoto - to help him compete within the city's booming food truck scene.
When Harold isn't busy stuffing peppers he enjoys the company of his beautiful hand-model girlfriend, Mindy Kitchen. A real go-getter, and according to Harold "The best thing that's ever happened to me", Mindy's highly respected and much sought-after in her field of expertise, being famously referred to as the Heidi Klum of hand models. However, with her career perpetually on the rise, Harold's concerns about their relationship have also begun to heighten.
Often criticized in the past for displaying, amongst other things, an utter lack of dedication and follow-through, Harold has vowed to begin anew - both the food truck and his relationship with Mindy being the focus of his newfound sense of commitment. To fail at either, now that he's really making an effort, would devastate Harold, perhaps resulting in depression and a return to apathetic behavior.
Therefore, to hopefully quell the emerging concerns surrounding his relationship with Mindy, Harold wants to increase, and display, his level of commitment by proposing marriage. The problem is, with a large part of the money he makes going back into his burgeoning food truck business it would take Harold several years to finance a ring befitting a hand model of Mindy's caliber.
At work one day, Alfred the actor tells Harold that he's flirted with the idea of donating sperm to supplement his paltry income. Furthermore, when Harold learns that a donor can make up to $7,000 in "six short months" he believes he may have found the answer to his engagement ring quandary. Unfortunately for Harold, Alfred insists, since it was his idea, that they go together.
After the lengthy application process and a battery of tests, Harold receives a letter notifying him that he's been accepted as a donor - much to Alfred's surprise and chagrin, he receives a letter informing him of the opposite (in addition to a restraining order).
Following a montage that's good for some laughs, but mainly exists to collapse six months' time, Harold purchases the ring and during a romantic dinner with Mindy proposes marriage. Mindy's surprise and delight quickly turn to shock and anger however, when she discovers how Harold managed to finance the beautiful ring. Ultimately, Harold's only hopes of rectifying the situation and mending his relationship with Mindy are to return the ring and find a way to retrieve his donated sperm - cryogenically preserved inside the sperm bank - before it's used to impregnate a slew of prospective mystery mothers.
Regrettably, the contract Harold signed makes it impossible for him to simply give back the money and have his donations destroyed. This obstacle, of course, spurs the protagonist toward extreme measures, a decision that could either solve his problem or destroy everything he's worked for...
Harold plans a bank heist to steal his own sperm.
So, with the help of a budding thespian, specializing in hackneyed accents, and a Japanese guitar virtuoso/food truck driver, Harold attempts to take back "what's mine" in what becomes a send-up of classic pressure-cooker heist movie sequences, and results in a laugh-packed, pepper-filled bromantic comedy.
Comments (4)
Christian Badami This is a cool idea out of left field. The title Circle Jerks is good, but I also LOLed when you introduced the word "masturbatorium" in the script, I thought: that would make a good alternate title too. Masturbatorium, that just sounds funny for some reason.
March 11, 2010I love the element of a culinary drop-out getting into the world of food trucks, or "roach coaches" as they're sometimes called. There is a whole world there to explore. In L.A. lots of the trucks are run by Hispanic owners/operators, and they've really got a whole universe and society built around this unique business... so seeing a bunch of white guys trying to start up a new truck and compete in a fish-out-of-water type of competitive environment has many possibilities.. They would be the new guys on the block... Do they deal with being a "minority" in the food truck biz? Do they run into problems of ""truck turf", or gang tribute/protection money demands? Is one of them a racist who learns, working side-by-side in the trenches with other ethnicities, to bond with them and become more tolerant? As a subplot do they get caught up in a protest action of food truck operators against state regulation? (this has been a real ongoing story in the news).
Getting into the nitty-gritty researched details of what it takes to operate a food truck will provide so much nutrition to this idea you are growing, and be fun and educational for the audience in a "Dirty Jobs" kind of way. Neat premise.
I was also liking the element of the sperm donation, and maybe there's just a couple of chiropractic adjustments that can make that work really well in the structure of your story. It felt like the plot begged for this guy to be entering the food truck biz AND sperm donation in order to buy the engagement ring right from the start... Consider that the sperm donation money might be needed to fund foodstock to supply the truck - so that both pursuits are more directly intertwined and both serving the same goal or quest from the beginning. You've got a great set-up to have these two completely different enterprises somehow collide in the end and interplay with eachother. It might click tighter to have the engagement ring desire be the dramatic hook at the beginning that sets him off to do these TWO wacky unexpected jobs at the same time.
There's also something icky, grotty and funny thinking about sperm and roachcoach food at the same time - you've collided two really wierd things for this, which is intriguing.
I think a "high maintenence" or judgemental woman might have problems with BOTH sources of income when she discovers them... Can she tell her friends with pride that her boyfriend is a food truck worker, in addition to a sperm donor? Is she that kind of woman? Is she in fact his true soul mate? Does he realize through all this that she's NOT the one for him? That makes for some interesting situations.
Funny how you set up the one guy, Alfred, as this connoisseure of porn and masturbation. I couldn't help but imagine how this guys process in the Masturbatorium would be different from his buddy's. Harry might get in, unzip, rub it out, and get out. But Alfred's the kind of guy who might clean the disc of his Euro porn, light candles, open wine, play music, break out his travel box of self-pleasure devices, oils, or even Porta-xxxxxxx or "Real Doll" and make a whole night of the thing... right there in the Masturbatorium.
HOW the girlfriend finds out about the sperm donating can be fun writing too. Is she a dynamo in the sack? Does she have huge desire for constant sex from her boyfriend? In this case, she would likely quickly notice if his pecker was not up to the task because of quite simply because of being worn out from his secret clinic activities. I would think she might even suspect him of cheating, if she noticed a drop in his sexual arrousal in bed. And this brings up a really interested and potentially funny debate: IS it cheating to donate sperm? Man, that debate could generate lots of funny dialogue.
Well, you clearly have a good idea blossoming here, because it hooked me and got my mind railing on all these possibilities about how cool it could be. So great work. I'm sure you've proabably already considered many of these suggestions/possibilities on your own, so bear with me throwing in the 2cents!
You also did a really nice, clean pro presentation on your submission, which makes it so much easier for readers to get into and understand the idea. I think you're on to something cool, and you definitely have the creativity and understanding to bring it to great fruition.
Excellent luck to you in this event, and in your ongoing adventure of screenwriting and story-telling!
Cb
Randy Gordon-Gatica Plot is good. Script sample is funny, especially the banter. This could be as good as good Woody Allen. My only two problems are Mindy doesn't seem to be worth it to Harold if she's turned off by what he did. They don't sound like they're for each other. Also this being more Woody Allen type of comedy it might not be the mainstream stuff they're looking for in this contest but in any case, funny dialogue.
March 10, 2010Todd Bell Does show some promise! ;)
March 9, 2010Todd Bell Maybe?
March 9, 2010Michelle Lopes I think the concept is fun, and the execution has promise.
March 9, 2010